Monday, May 9, 2011

How did I get here?!

It is the day before I'm 17 weeks (if you ask the midwives I am 17 weeks today) and I've decided that it is finally time I sat down and wrote, err typed, what happened 13 1/2 weeks ago:

     I was smack dab in the middle of the 2WW, a time where most people are pulling out their hair in anticipation while analyzing, over anlayzing, and re-analyzing every twinge, ache, pain, hiccup, burp, potty break, and skin anomaly. My 2ww left me hoping for it to be over, not to test, but to have a fresh cycle to start with and move forward. 
     I felt nothing this cycle. No tender boobs, no cramps, not implantation spotting, no tiredness, no increased urination, NOTHING. I just new that this was not my time, and that I would have to regroup for the next cycle; at some point I even stopped taking my vitamins too, I'm telling you, I just new this wasn't it!
     Previous to all of this, I got a test date from Fertility Friend of Feb 8, 2011. This date was a ray of hope since it is one of my BFF's birthdays. When this date popped up I saw it as good juju, and it elated me...initially. As the days ticked on, and I felt nothing, I resigned myself to not testing till 14dpo (versus starting at 12), and really just waiting on AF.
     Weeeell, there was a little hiccup in the plan. On Sunday Feb 6 (Super Bowl Sunday), Sugarbeet decided he needed a haircut. I took him to the mall where he gets it done, and got to thinking after I dropped him off. You see, I like to test in private, I don't want SB to have any idea what's going on because I like to have that the to myself to digest and process the results, whatever they may be. I realized that there would be no other time for me to get a test without him knowing by Tuesday, so I decided to run out to the store while he was getting his ears raised. I picked up a 2 pack of FRERs and hid them in my enormous purse for later.
     Meanwhile, I start having terrible cramps, so bad I think I ended up taking something for them.  Those cramps combined with the fact that I had a big temp dip that morning left me pretty resolute that I would be on to the next cycle before Tuesday... Fast forward to later that afternoon at home, I'm laying on the couch by myself since SB is next door playing video games with our baller neighbor.  I sit there and I lay there, and I sit back up, and I change the stations on the tv and I pet my dog, and I try and I try and I try to distract my self, but those doggon sticks are CALLING MY NAME. What was I thinking? How did I believe for a second that I would have the self control to not use them once I had them in my possession.  I shuffle around for a little while longer, but finally I give in.


Positive. Super positive. Positive before the control line develops. Positive before the liquid moves all the way across the test screen.

Whoa.

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