Things that I'm scared of as well

When I was about 20 or 21 years old I was driving home from work around 12:45 am and this jerkface loser decided that he too wanted to be driving home, only he wanted to be driving home from drinking tons and instead of actually making it home he wanted to slam into me going the wrong way on a one way street. Luckily, I was in a lightweight pick up truck, and jerky mcjerkface was in a Jetta, so the (delightful sounding but not what you think) t-bone totaled the truck, and not me. It was my second car accident in 2 years, and I had only been driving for like 3 years at the time, so I was pretty rattled.

Also, I've never been a careful driver. I'm like not interested in paying attention to the road, obeying speed limits, or any other laws of the road for that matter. You see, I drive a 1998 Plymouth Breeze that bff neighbor has affectionatly coined "The Deathtrap". Why so you ask? Well, only 3 of my doors work, and of those 3, only one is fully functional. Thanks to said door situation, bff neighbor has had to come bust me out of my car because I couldn't get out. I only get AM radio reception and no one can explain why, the driver side door leaks in the rain, a mysterious stain has begun to appear on the back driver's side floorboard (obviously the tell-tale sign of someone having slowly bled out back there) my paseenger mirror has decided that it wants to make it out in the world on its own and has begun to cleave itself from the door; I duct taped it back, but I think it really does have its mind made up to leave as it is now even more hangy than it was before. The kicker is that up until last year the thing had no climate control, so when I went places, I needed to get there PDQ less I die from exposure; heat exhaustion and hypothermia were a constant and real threat for the past 4 years. All of this is what led to my complete unwillingness to put up with "laws" trying to tell how fast to drive, in what lane, which direction, ect., because I had to get where I had to get, and in a hurry if I didn't want to perish before I got there.

These two factors (the reckless driving of others and the reckless driving of myself), have led me to have a fear that I don't think is entirely unfounded:



I'm convinced that I will die in a horrible Micheal Bay inspired car crash and that I won't die in it immediatly, but will most likely have to suffer for sometime before blacking out to the vision of my jawbone sitting on my lap (that really happened btw. Some lady was in a car accident where her jaw got ripped off. She then did what eveyone reasonalble person would do if that happened to them, went on Oprah) . Here is another VERY accurate depiction of what I see in store for me EVERY time I get on the freeway. *warning, this one is gory*



And the scary part is that this DID happen here in Houston earlier this year. This woman was driving  when a load of pipes came undone from an 18 wheeler and crushed her car, it's not clear if this accident was due to her being a woman driver, but its still crazy. It sucks casuse as if I'm not crazy enough as it is, the universe needed to be like "Look! Do you see?! This crap does happen, and not only does it happen, it's going to happen to you...tomorrow...Sucker".  The universe is pretty mean sometimes. Sad face.

Some people may being saying, "Really? What are the odds of that happening?"  The odds of clones ruining my highway commute? Immenent. The odds of massive logs ruining my highway commute? Insanely probable, like as in I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. Listen, car accidents happen all day everyday; people are stupid and cars are heavy so once you do the math, you see that we come out in the red. And hot, fiery, mangled death doesn't even take multiple cars any more! I mean  HELLO, Toyota's were killing their owners left and right just a few months ago. Who thinks when they get into their car that its going to kill them; unless you drive Christine or possibly Herby, I bet the thought has never crossed your mind, and yet it happens.

In the end, I have to drive to work everday so it's not like I have much of an option for preventing my death by Micheal Bay inspired car accident. And besides, the movies I've seen about public transportation don't make it look like a much better option anyway.

Things I'm scared of (things of which I'm scared if you are a grammar jerk)

I refuse to mention how long it's been since I updated so don't even go looking for it to happen.
I am a fearful person. I think about death and how I'm going to die pretty much constantly, I think it's in my Dino DNA. I can't help picturing all the horrendous things that could happen to me on a daily basis; I can't help but wonder if it's what's kept me alive for so long...So, I've decided to chronicle them here. Why not expose my pathos to daylight and let everyone on the interwebs know how kookoo crazy I am.
Here's the first in what I promise is a long, never-ending, slightly disturbing list of ways I'm convinced I'm gonna die:

 
 
 
 
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I'm convinced that a homeless person is going to push me in front of a bus while I wait at the crosswalk for the light to change. I know that this will happen because: a.There are buses downtown, b. There are homeless people downtown, and c. I walk downtown. If you've ever seen a homeless person, you might be thinking, "Oh, she's crazy, they aren't so bad", but that's because you've never seen a downtown homeless person. This is a different species of homeless person, a breed set apart to ruin lives and murder people via Houston Metro.

Lemme explain by pointing out a few examples. I've had a homeless person pee on the sidewalk in front of me while looking at. WHILE LOOKING AT ME. I've had a homeless person jump in front of me while walking to impede my further movement forward and I nearly slammed into him, which he thought was simply delightful. I've had a homeless person punch me in my arm on lightrail cause I was obviously some six headed monster out to eat his brains while we were traveling light speed through the intestines of the giant worm we were riding in (in which we were riding grammar jerk). You see, these ain't yo stand on the corner and beg for stuff with a sign kind of homeless people. These are "I have no idea what planet I'm on, but what I do know is that all these aliens around me must die cause this is kill or be killed up in this piece" kinda homeless.

Now that you are armed with a clearer vision of what I'm talking about, you can understand why it's inevitable that one will launch me into the street some day just as Metro is driving through a light. I actually don't think the guy to do it will be crazy. I imagine him to be real malicious and angry, and probably just curious. And here I am, standing there with my clean teeth and hair, and something about me strikes him as something he hates, maybe my silver ballet flats, and that's when he decides this girl must DIE. He will then non-chalantly walk up behind me, wait until the timing is juuust right, and shove me hard and fast in the back just in time to tumble me head first into an oncoming Metro bus. Satisfied with his handy work he will them shamble away, content with having ridden the world of those aweful silver shoes.

Why Glee isn't real

Okay, so first of all, I don't get this whole vampire thing. I just read that the most popular baby names for this year are from that Twilight thing. Dracula and Count Chocula I think...

So anywho, Glee, while a PHENOMENAL show, is not real. I was in Show Choir in high school and therefore I am the authority on what an extracurricular singing group is, and is not. Glee, is not.

This is a Glee Club

This is NOT a Glee Club

© 2010 Fox Broadcasting Company

This is a choral director

This is NOT a choral director

© 2010 Fox Broadcasting Company

Okay though for real, high school students that didn't go to a performing arts high school, can not sing while doing backflips. Not possible. My choir couldn't even do a kick ball change while singing, we had to cut out that part of the coreography and just walk back and forth becuase our voice production and projection was so bad.

Also, there were NO attractive people. Seriously, all of us were ugly, all of us. There were no attractive outfits/costumes. We wore a $10 polo with our high schools initials on it, along with whatever kind of pant we had that could be passed as a "jean".

Kinda like this.

















Nothing like this.

And besides, all of the girls would have complained about how their skin tone/hair/personality/religion doesn't mesh well with gold/black/knee length/tulle. Why do you think choir dresses tend to be black and drapey? Equally unflattering on everyone that wears it.



© 2010 Fox Broadcasting Company



Another thing is, there is no way that my school would let Pregnant 16 yr old dance around on a stage in high heels. I don't even think Pregnant 16 yr old was allowed to go to school with regular, non ku kids. She would have to go to specail KU school were they learned about bottles or birth or placentas. Then after summer break she would show back up at regular kids school where everyone would whisper behind her back to the kids that didn't know about her body having a dual occupancy the year before.

And that ubiquitous band! Those kids hold a perpetual jam session that never seems to have trouble keeping up with the new hotness in music, but are also well steeped in the standards that we all know and love, from "Bust a Move" to "Rock and Roll All Night". I seriously need to hire these guys for my wedding.

Finally, and I know we all saw this coming, I have an issue with overly flamboyant out gay kid. There was NO gay kid at my school that was that out. There is no gay kid at ANY high school that is that out. Probably not even at the Gay High School for becoming Gay and being Gay All Over the Place. This kid cries every chance he gets, and enjoys wearing the most thrilling wordrobe since Bubble on AbFab.

There were gay kids at my school, we all knew who they were, they all knew who they were, but we all had the good taste to never discuss it. *hello, toungue in cheek..don't forget the sarcasm!* Then, the day after high school graduation freinds would call friends and say "Oh, I saw Boy with a boy at the mall holding hands!" And everyone would be like, oh, we thought so... I went to the FBLA banquet with one of my most favoritest friends in high school ( who was and is a gay guy), and if he would have showed up in some crazy contraption of an outfit, we both would have been in it deep. I mean seriously, there was a girl at my school who was told that if she showed up to prom in a suit with her girlfriend, she would be hauled off the premises. Nope, high school is definatly NOT about self expression. High school is about finding out who you are, and then learning very quckly how to hide and pretend you're just like everyone else.

We sang to peers who could give a crap less, we sang to old folks at homes and at banks and at malls. I want the episode where these 30 yr olds are subjected to the same things that we did in those days. I want to see them ride in a school bus and arrive at locations smelling of gasoline. I want them to take trips where everyone claims that so and so slept with so and so but everyone knows it's not true. I want them to pay a crap ton of money to go to a competition just to get there and see that everyone is like 6 yrs old and they'd obviosly been mistaken about what they read in the brochure. I want the awkward, AWKWARD hookups that we were forced to witness between pimple face loser and over weight loser this week, and over weight loser and looks like dead fish loser the next.

I guess that would be a reality show though...At any rate, I love Glee, I love watching it, and I will continue to  (if not just to point out the travesties that they are committing).

How not to be jealous?

How do you get to be truely happy for someone?
"WHAT, you got a promotion and now make WAY more than I do, but you don't even have a degree? Wow, congrats!"  I say that, but on the inside I think "You're a whore, you slept with any and everyone available to get this promotion, and you just wait cause in 5 years my income will  have doubled and I will be the one with the brand new car and then you'll see, and then YOU"LL ALL SEE!!!!"...while this is going on I'm sure I'm standing there with a huge smile on my face, maybe with a little drool slowly winding down the side of it.

And how is it that no matter what you do in life, and no matter how good you are at it, there is someone is better. BETTER!! And when this jerkfaceloser shows up, why is it that you have to not only be happy for them, but even like somehow appreaciate them handing you your entrails on a platter. "Well, at least  I can say I got beat by the best!". BLUH. Would we be forced to be so gracious if everything was to the death? "At the end of the interview process for the file room position, only one of you shall still be alive". What then?

I have a serious problem being happy for people. Mostly cause I hate them, but also because I want what they have, and can't have it. There are somethings that I actually do hate, but don't want, like to go to bed at 10 everynight cause my husband and I are boring. Or a new car (because I abhor car notes). But there are other things that I grow green over like houses not in the suburbs and not having to pay student loans. My life ain't so bad, but compared to yours, IT SUCKS. I tend to have that attitude sometimes when it comes to comparing myself to other people. And it's sad, I know.

Why I'm scared of ghosts

Becaue they are dead people, and dead people are NOT cool. Dead people have a place...well, two very seperate and not equal places, but a place nonetheless. So when dead people chose to not go to thier perspective places, it means that they are breaking the rules. Rule breakers in general are NOT cool.
Ghosts can't/wont hold a job which makes them unemployed. Unemployed people are NOT cool.
Ghosts don't pay rent in the places in which they live. That makes them free loaders and free loaders are NOT cool.
Ghosts don't wear appropriate clothing. It's like they don't see that fashion is progressing and cling to that old turn of the century crap that they died in. Not keeping up with fashion is NOT cool. *side note: has anyone ever seen a naked ghost?*

I personally think that ghosts are aweful. They tear up peoples things, drive down property values, and make people run around with night vision camaras on tv which makes me hate my life.

I've never seen a ghost myself, but I grew up hearing about those little ghost kids in San Antonio that move your car across the tracks. My mom said that she and her friends would go after school to make those poor little kids push their car. If you're not familiar with the story, here we go:

There was this school bus of elementary school children headed home one day. The bus suddenly experienced a break down, right on some railroad tracks. The next thing they new, a train was barrelling down at the bus, and with no time to get the children out, the bus was hit, killing them.

It is said that if you visit the sight of the tragedy, there is an amazing expirence waiting for you. Simply pull up to the tracks, cut your car off and place it in neutral with your foot off the break. At that moment, your car will begin to travel uphill over the tracks on it own. It is said that if you sprinkle your car with talcum, you will be able to see tiny hand prints along your back bumper from the efforts of the children pushing you off the tracks.

While some people think this is just a legend there are some facts that point to it being true. For example, all of the street signs leading up to the location are childrens names..well, at least peoples names, I guess your name doesnt change as you age...Also there is SO much evidence gathered on this location including EVP, pictures, and other unexplained phenomenom (such as blood found on car bumbers! jerk ghost kids really know how to get you). Still dont believe me? Check this out:

What do you think?

My current obsession

So I've been watching Kirstie Alley's show on A&E, and have fallen in love! She is seriously the bestest and, thanks to her previous cockaine addiction, I know that she is definatly stalk worthy (please note my undying love for Britney and Amy).

Kirstie is hilarious. Period. Her kids are adorable,especially her daughter. She has this handyman guy and a sassy maid, and a stylist and PA all along for the ride. And you know what? I persnonally believe her to be ravoshing, no matter what size she's at. Forget the body, no amount of fat could take away from that face, hair, and those haunting eyes. I love everything about this lady, including that her theme song is sung by a cartoon monkey!

Well, with that I am off to go watch a couple of episodes now!

Going to see David Sedaris on Wed.

Quick side note: You will never see me write out the word Wed., because I don't know how to spell it, just FYI.

So BFF Elaine and I are off to the theater (said in a slight english accent while dragging out the "tuh" a little too long),to see one of my favorite authors. If you've never heard of David, you're in for a real treat should you decide to pick up one of his books. One of my favorite stories of his is titled "Dinah the Christmas Whore". You can see the amount of hilarity waiting to ooze forth from such a prominent title.

I'm an avid This American Life listener, which is where I first encountered this master of pen and page. His voice sounds nothing like how he looks, so I hope seeing him live will make it all come together.

He writes about his family in a fictional autobiographical way. You can't tell what's real and whats not, which I think makes for a terribly interesting read. Some of his stories deal with growing up gay in Carolina, dealing with college as a young man, his crazy sister (whom is a writer as well) and various other encounters in the world from his point of view.

 It's going to be at Jones Hall so I plan on walking there from work, or at least from my already payed for parkng lot. I'm not so sure where Elaine is meeting me, but I know we will have an AWESOME time!

This weekend is going to be a doozie!

It's time to iron out all those pesky details for what is sure to be the motherlode of unfinished projects.
Friday

• go watch Mason in a good ol' fashioned talent show at First Baptist
• Drink Vodka
• Explain to Sugarbeet why I WILL NOT go jogging
• Eat something yummy for dinner, possibly a steak
• Drink Vodka/Beer with Earl (thank goodness Lent is over)
• Possibly go to HH with Patrice at Trulucks

Saturday:

• Go to Central Market to pick up a myriad of baking supplies
• Bake bread. Sugarbeet is back on the whole sandwich kick, and I can't have store bought bread in my house!
• Make my own butter . I saw a super easy recipe here and since I'm making bread, it just seems right to try a hand at it
• Avoid the rain
• Go to a benefit for some kind of poor country or something... hope I don't have to dress up
• Enjoy cocktails some how, some way

Sunday:

• Must go to church, haven't been in 2 weeks, or a week..when was Easter?
• Lay around since Patty is out of town and I have to suffer a brunchless exsistence till he gets back
• Go fo fam night and look at PP a whole lot (I miss her terribly)

So what I'm most excited about is the prospect of trying my hand at bread again. The first came out too crusty, imagine trying to eat a sandwitch on european crusty bread. The second was too...je no sais quoi. It was just missing something , I think the texture was off, IDK. I'm slightly dejected at the idea of having to use more white flour than wheat to achieve a texture Hubby can live with. I've only allowed wheat products in my house for the last year, so that's not a shock to him. Methinks it 's the stone ground wheat flour that's got him all messed up, it's got a coarser texture which lends to a studier, less soft bread. Think of it as the difference between pound cake and angel food cake. At any rate, although I hate the idea of processed white flour, I guess that's what I gotta do for now, and then slowly wean him off of it a week at a time.

Those are ma plans. As usual I can expect some minor deviation, but I bet this will work out to be another faboulous one!

Why you shouldn't buy designer when you don't know any better, aka: how to make 50% of America hate me in 5 minutes

I have 2 banes to my current fashion existence, which is good because it used to be twenty (see the period in the mid 2000's when I was forced to look at camel toe everyday thanks to the phenom called "gauchos"). I am always in a pull between what I dislike just cause it's too popular, and what I dislike because quite frankly, it sucks.

My 2 banes are things that actually suck, and what makes that suck more is that they are popular. I am utterly disgusted with these two things, and wouldn't go to heaven sad if I never saw them again: Tory Burch anything and Michael Kors accessories.



The biggest thing I dislike applies to both: the obnoxious branding. Why on earth would you walk around with someone's initials all over your clothing that you paid for? This is how I feel about every label with one huge exception:

She has not, will not, and can not do any wrong, so in her case there is no need to EVER NOT want to wear her initials all over me! Lol.

With that said, why would you want to stick something on your body that looks like it was branded with head butting T's or with the lazily placed MK initials that "cleverly" share a line that makes it no longer initials but a logo.

I haven't like Michael Kors since I stopped being five and realized that zebra print is never going to be cool longer than five minutes, and that in the event that it is considered cool at any point in time, it no longer is. Zebra belongs few and far between, heavily dispersed in a sea of other patterns, shapes, and colors. Once you see it too much, it loses its beauty and becomes monochromatic and humdrum. Bleh. That being said, I loved his concept back in Spring 07 or 08 when his RTW (ready to wear) collection featured that beautiful rich pattern in hues of jet black, golden browns, and creamy beiges. Then something went terribly wrong. Then his logo grew by 8 fold and now dangles on the edge of the purse, waiting to swing and hit you hard in your elbow as you walk. At this point, all was lost. I also don't like the fact that he is on project runway because he really has no idea what he's talking about...ever. His collections are meant for the "sporty" fashionista, and these people are turning out haute couture. Why on earth should he ever have a word to say?

Tory, incites my rage in another way all together. It's not that I don't think she knows what she's doing, I think that her clothing line has some potential. It's the fact that people are walking around in ballet flats (which have FINALLY run thier course, leaving people with cankels with no excuse to continue to make this fashion mistake), which come in the most obnoxious of colors, which they INSIST on pairing with either a similarity obnoxious colored shirt, belt, or various other non simple, competing clothing, and then have the audacity to look this awfully while having paid nearly $200.00 for it! Listen, wearing neon green shoes is great, but please do find a nice pair of light wash denim that is close cropped at the ankle and a plain white button down shirt or polo. And if you really must express yourself, try a color opposite on the color wheel. Lime green goes great with bright pink for a reason people!

Anyway, so that's yet another reason for America to hate me. I feel like if you're going to play the fashion game, you have got to know the rules. I hope that these two figure out how to stop the bandwagoning of their aweful products before they go the way of Juicy (which I disliked from the get go, and still do) and that aweful Ed Hardy stuff.

My current obsession

Adele!!!

Photo Credit : All Music Guide

I refuse to compare her to Amy Whinehouse because she is a legend, and full of train wrecky goodness. Little known fact about moi, they crazier you get, the more I love you. The only exception is the light of my life Britney, she's not crazy, everyone else just doesn't understand. Before I really get into it, which I can for hours, let me get back to Adele. The first time I heard her she perfomed on Saturday Night Live, and I've been hooked every since. There has been little ado about her weight, which then translated into much ado as people talked about how fantastic it was that she was heavy and no one was talking about her weight...Here is one of my most favorite songs by her:

So yeah, I'm in love. She's so much cooler than Duffy, who's voice while unique, is most enjoyable for me while drunk. Not in a bad way, just in a all things are more fun when you're drunk. Anyway, I cringe at all the Amy talk, she's a genius. Adele is talented, but no genius, or at least not yet, we'll see. Lemme know what you think!

My current obsession

I love them so much and am totes obsessed with their family dynamics. No matter what the opinion of the number, I love the family as a whole. I love Michelle's kookoo crazy hair style that screams "I love my children more than my hairdo". I love how all their little names start with J. I love how it doesn't bother me that they eat stuff out of cans because at least they cook. I love how Josh can't keep his hands off of Ana. I love that Arkansas drawl that they all have, amplified in some of the kids by braces. I love that Jim Bob was a rep for 2 terms, and that Michelle home schools.  I love it all!

My current two favorites are Jackson and Jinger. Don't ask me why, but it makes my day whenever they get interviewed for a segment on the show.

I also am obsessed with the sound of Michelle's voice. It's so sweet and calming. It's just the greatest thing ever!

Despite how anyone feels about that number of kids, I think that they are getting such a wonderful unique upbringing, and none of them are named "Apple", so their lives can't be that bad. In my opinion, if uber crazy Mathew McConahay..McConaghay?..can have babies, let these people do what it do too.

I can't wait for the special where Josie comes home, it's gonna make me cry!

Latest Green Idea

I spent the weekend in Lubbock, and yes it was as aweful as it sounds. Anyway, while in the shower, I came to a startling revelation as to what the next thing I should do to green up the hacienda will be *drum roll please*: no more loofa and no more liquid body wash!
I think that those plastic sponge things are a very easy thing to give up, and that's one less plastic thing in my house. Towels can be used forever, I still have towels that I bought when I moved to the dorms my freshman year, and I have had no trouble with them.
As far as the soap, bar soap comes packaged in a variety of ways, including paper. By getting rid of the plastic bottle that the liquid comes in, I am throwing away yet again one less plastic item. And for some assanine reason the grocery rarely carries a larger soap you can use to refill the smaller one. However,even if they did though, unless it came in cardboard, it would make no sense, and cardboard that is treated to resist oils, like pizza boxes, are not recyclable, which REALLY defeats the purpose.
So, that's ma plan. I'm out of soap, so at the store tonight I will be picking up my first bar of soap since high school. I hope it doesn't suck :(.

Who did it better?

Everyone is always talking about how the Japanese are so much better than us when it comes to technology, education, and martial arts. The last one I can understand, but COME ON! America invented everything important ever, including sliced bread so how can they have better technology? And education? Most of them don't even speak english, and why do math in your head? That's why we Americans invented the calculator, computer, cell phone calculator, ect. So, with so much rivalry going on betwixt the two, I've decided to have a showdown of my own. This one is for all the marbles, the competition of all competitions that will end the rivalry with one clear winner for all eternity. You tell me: Who did it better?

Is it this guy:


Or this one:



You be the judge!

Weekend?

So it's finally upon us. I'm super excited for this weekend because I have fantastic plans including, but not limited to:

• Going to the Rodeo Parade?
• Helping Damon move into his new office downtown
• Going to the cook off with Patty, oh and Dustin whos in town from Chicago
• Buying ingredients for my homemad laundry detergent

Not as much as usual, but you know how stuff pops up! I'm super glad to have found a good recipe for liquid laundry detergent. Once I make it, I will post about what I think of it. Also, I don't know who Patty slept with to get them, but I'm also way excited about havintg tickets to the cook off again this year. Last year we went with tickets to the Miller Lite tent. I spent the following 4 hrs ordering Bud Light and then saying, oh yeah, I'm sorry... I didn't eat alot cause I drank twice my body weight in free beers. This year, due to lack of alcohol, I guess I will be pigging out on BBQ, hopefully GOOD barbeque.
I'm really pleased with Damon's big move downtown too. Dustin was like "Does that mean you guys are going to have lunch together everyday?", to which I responded that I do in fact have a life so probably not. His old building was getting a little sketchy, he thinks there are a couple of "Full Release" massages parlors in there. YIKES!
Hmm, what else? Oh, I might do some bread this weekend. I'm going to try another recipe from the book I got at Half Price. And I also need to scour craigslist for used food processors and used sewing macines (still, GAG). I hate how long it is taking to find a cheap used sewing machine. Erica said that they have them for $60.00 at Target currently, but I can't justify buying something like that new. It's just sensless. Same with the food processor, people love to go out and replace stuff like that, and unfortunatley I think they just throw the old ones away. By taking seriously the use of opportunities like craigslist, people will take notice and use it more rather than the garbage.
Random Thought: I spoke to someone in Venezuela yesterday, his last name was Chang.... he told me my spanish was excellent. LOL!

Well they finally did it

I love Nicholas Cage. I am currently obsessed with Nic Cage as Everything. Here is one of the most important pictures you will ever see:

Nic Cage as Sophia Petrillo, Blanche Devereaux, Rose Nylund, and Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak


Now if only they did Britney...

My name is Jonet, and I am no longer an alcohlic

Well, I guess I never was...

Today is Ash Wed. and I am officially in the Lenton Season. For my journey to the cross, I have decided that I will stop drinking. Bleh. I'm not sure how the next 40 days will go, but what I do know is that they will be boring.

I'm not sure how I came to the conclusion that alcohol was the right choice, I think it was when Jesus mentioned it and I immediatly screamed NO! Lol. I went to Patty's last night with Damon, and he, Nick, Juan and myself made my last toast for the next month and a half. Here's a list of what I'll be missing:

• Friday Nights with the homomies


• Brunch


• Brunch after the AIDS walk


• Sunday night with the Fam


• My personality


• My will to Live


• St. Patrick's Day


• My sanity

How bad can things get? Not sure yet, I just hope that these next days pass quickly and painlessly. Part of me feels like this will be a simple task, I really only drink once to twice a week, but the other part of me feels like this will be quite eye openning. And I can spend all this new found free time meditating on the 40 days leading up to the greatest moment in history, and what it all really means. I will spend this time getting to know the journey to eternal life, and preparing myself for SHEaster. Patty said that I should use this time to work out a ton and get super thin for the festivities again this year so I say let's gitrdun.

"Remember, Man is dust, and unto dust you shall return."

My screensaver at work

Is screensaver one word or two? Hmmm, now that I think about it, the word I'm actually looking for is desktop picture...yikes. Anywho, I changed it on Friday, and forgot, so when I came in this morning this is what I saw:

I do good work if I don't say so myself (which I do). This was one of the pics from the shoot I did with her a week ago. I have at least 150, so whittling it down for proofs is going to be exhasuting, but cute!

Princess Olivia turns the big 01

And here is what I plan on making for her birthday:

Only it wont be that big because Pat-rice all ready got her a cake, and this one is a surpirise! Apparently Olivia likes Elmo, and while this is seriously the MOST ambitious cake I've attempted, I really want to try something over the top. It will be just 1 tier to cut down on size, and will not look nearly as nice as this...but I don't care. I think It will be FUN to try. Also, I really need to refine my fondant craft cause the last attempt needed some real improvement in the flavor department. This is particularly ambitious of me because the party is tomorrow at noon and I have a date with the homomies tonight to go out my last weekend before Lent! So the plan is to stay up super late, and get up super early, and not get too drunk*. I will need to convince Patty McDaddy to give me a ride to Micheal's or Hobby Lobby to get the Elmo pan and fondant. I have most of those colors, but will need to get the red, black, and orange for Elmo himself. I even already have the scribblers for the scibble detail so I only have a few things to pick up. Also, we usually take a minor break halfway through Friday evenings to hang out at Patty's until it's time to go out. I will use this lull to bake the round cake at the bottom...guess that also means he needs to take me to the store..Hey, it's not my fault we're doing HH in Highland Village today. Living two blocks away from the Galleria has it's perks! So, we shall see. I hope that it turns out okay, but with the limited time I'm putting into it, it will probably come out looking like a blood covered bear popping out to eat her. I dont think she'll like that, but not my problem, that ain't my baby.

*Okay, we all know the "too drunk" thing will NOT happen considering gay men drink like fish...soooooo I guess I will have to force myself into an early arisal tomo and PRAY that I'm still under the infuluence and not hungover yet. Waking up still drunk is a beautiful thing people, it's like a present from hangover god...a present that he quickly snatches away and replaces with a headache and nausea (he's such a figgin indian giver)..but a present none the less! It gives you just enough time to handle a little business before you wreck. I plan on using that twilight time to create this masterpiece!

Truth

"Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.
It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing"

Weekend Highlights

I managed to have a FAB weekend right from the start.

Friday:
I got to hang out with Earl and Zack, which is always a blast. I watched them play video games and we chatted about who knows. I went back to my house (next door) and got dressed for Sheila's performance, which was AMAZING as usual. I also got turned around trying to find Dean's as usual. I'm an Uptown girl way more than Downtown, so at night I really have to get my bearings. So I drove around for like, 10 minutes making big circles trying to find the place, and when I did, a second fail occured in the form of me not remembering where I parked my car like as soon as I walked away :(. I met a friend of Sheila's who was super awesome, and with whom I spent most of the evening chatting over free cocktails courtesy of some random asian guy, and three guys from San Fransisco who were here consulting on the Light Rail.

Saturday:
Ate good food, had a nap, MOVED OUT JEREMY to the dorms, and watched Avatar in 3-D. Avatar was amazing, I truely enjoyed it. I also took some birthday pics for Olivia's first. Patrice wants to send out something to everyone to announce it, so she chartered me for a few hours. It went really well I think. I got about 250 shots so I have a lot of work to do elimating and editing, but that should be fun too!

Sunday:
Ate good food, when to Cyclone Anayas with Nick for brunch, well he had brunch, I just had bottomless mimosas... We moved the party over to JR's and Erica met up with us. We chatted for awhile and then Juan and Santos show up too! I sang two kareoke songs, and probably had too many cocktails, but hey, with family night cancelled, I was taking it where I could get it!
Went home, played some Fable, got too tired to go a single step more, so I went to bed.

All in all I'd say it was a great weekend!

My super awesome bread

So I made bread from my new recipe book! Here is the end result :) Oh, it's 100% wheat so that's why it's so dark.

Worst. Morning. EVER.

What you are about to read is the tragedy that unfolded at 7:15 this morning:

In my dream I was just back from a long space mission. It's the type of mission where they put you in suspended animation in order for you to edure the long trip on a massive space ship. I get back to Earth, undock, and sit through a boring debrief in a huge auditorium with hundreds of other people (including Cedric Yarbrough and Niecy Nash, the black people from Reno 911) . We finish, and I leave to go home. I arrive to find a girl friend of mine, and my ex boyfriend waiting on me. My ex boyfriend who happens to be Gerard Butler...



So, we all go inside, and my dear friend excuses herself to walk my dog, leaving Gerrard and I alone. Okay, time for some quick background: you see, in my dream he was totally stalking me, refusing to stop popping up all the time. In fact, right before I left on my intergalatic journey, he would sit across the street from my apartment and look in at me and smile creepily but in a extremly sexy way...you know, sexy creepy? So yeah, he's refusing to move on, and refusing to let me move on, and I'm thinking, "what is he doing here anyway?"
I realize he's moved out of the living area into my bedroom, which is prime stalker territory, so I go there to see what damage has been done. I walk in to see him holding a piece of paper, obviously he's been going through my things. "Isn't it illegal to do this where you're from?", he says. I quickly snatch the paper out of his hand to see it's my medical repeort, I glance to where his finger was taping to see it's my weight. Apparently the part of society I have chosen to live in has strict physical standards (think Gatica, never heard of it? Shame on you!), and this report featured that I had gained 15 lbs. I rebuff and tell him to stop going throughmy things. He responds with a delightfully rough grab to my hip and says "So if you're not upset about the weight, it must be cause you want to put this (he shakes the hand full of hip) on me". I immediatly go rigid, all of my muscles tense and I draw in a long ragged breath. I know that in an instant he's going to pull me in close. He's wearing a leather jacket with big yellow/gold zippers, and I know that jacket pressing against me is going to hurt in such a good way when he crushes me against him. I know that this is wrong, that I shouldn't even have him in my house, but that's what makes me want it even more. And hey, I was just on an intergalatic space journey, a womans got needs!

So I steady myself for his hard hands against me, my skin goes absolutley electric, and I try to remind myself to protest, if even just a little, but I know he has already made up his mind, and that there is nothing I can do to change it. His hands come closer, I begin to turn my head to look up at his face, my heart skips at least ten beats, I can feel the warmth radiating off his hands as they inch closer to my waist, I begin to quiver with anticipation,

then MY ALARM GOES OFF.

He was seconds away from grabbing me, and my stinkin alarm ruined it. I have never been so pissed in my life.

What I accomplished on the looong weekend list

Friday
I did in fact make it home from work, I did in fact play Fable. While I did drink vodka, Earl was going to a birthday party, so I was left up to my own devices. You know what that means, vodka and Fable until 2 in the morning!!

Saturday
Woke up, got dressed, and headed to the nearest Half Priced Books (the one in West U). No luck, not even a book on bread baking without a machine :(. So, onward to find a Good Will. I drove down Richmond away from the Galleria, ended up past the beltway, of course I find out later that the Good Will is on Westheimer... Any way, since I'm past the beltway, I stop at the half priced books in Royal Oaks. They have a $3 book on bread baking. I'm tempted, but decide to first thumb through the new book I wanted before I make a decision.
I head to the nearest Borders (full of disdain at myself for not printing out a 33% off coupon that I have) and find out that they are closing that location. I find the book I want right away, 40% off due to the store closing. Should I pass this up for the more environmentally responsible book? After 30 minutes the answer was a clear yes. I can always go back and get this book, it's still in print, and I get coupons to Borders once a week.
So I go back to Half Priced Books and purchase my treasure which used to be someone elses trash. I feel much better about the purchase. I'm reusing something instead of buying something new. And while it's not as flashy,thick, or table-ladden (seriously, that book had so many charts you needed a chart to find your chart), it's used. The copyright is from 76, I believe. How great would it feel to know that something you wrote to help people made it into someones hands this many years later?! So, I brought something into my home that I really feel good about vs. the newest thing. I feel great about which one I chose!
OKAY, so yes then dinner at PF Changs Royal Oaks, kareoke at Spotlight where I met Patrice and Ayanna, sang a few songs (really just background danced) and home to sleep!

Sunday
Woke up, went to church, and JOINED THE CHURCH!!!!! I am so thrilled to now have an official church home. It only took 4 years! Lol. We signed our commitment card, lit a candle, and smiled smiled smiled. SO excited! We then had a nice quiet lunch at Whataburger lol, and went home for my Sunday afternoon nap. Looking for me around 2 o'clock on Sundays? Check my couch.
I woke up, worked on PP's blanket and then we went to family night. I finished stitching the blanket while at fam night, so now all I have to do is crochet a border around it, and I'm done! I spent qt (quality time) with all the neices, the future father in law, and my sweet SIL,BIL, and MIL. While I did drink, it wasn't fun, why you ask? Everyone was sleepy, so nobody got too festive. THE ONE NIGHT I CAN PARTAKE? Really? I didn't even want to have the coffee I was so disappointed. LOL.

Monday
I went to the store for the week, and also picked up my ingredients for bread, and I BAKED MY FIRST LOAF OF BREAD!!!! It came out delicious! Too crusty for sandwich bread, but so yummy. I can now cross bread off the list of things I have to buy from the store that I don't want to. I'm campaining to stay completly out of the center of the store and only shop the perimeter where the real foods are. Anything that can be puchased on a shelf, that is not in a jar, is not a good idea, and bread was one of those things I still had to get from there. No longer!
I used a local organic stone ground whole wheat along with traditional AP (all purpose) flour, and local honey to make a healthy, HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) free bread. I spoke with my eco-nut internet buddies and have a remedy for the over crustiness which I will attempt to fix on my next batch.
I uploaded my 365 and then went to bed at quite the reasonable hour, with a great attitude, ready for the next 4 days.

All in all? I'd say this weekend was a success!

Weekend Plans

Friday:

• Go home from work
• Drink vodka
• Play Fable
• Enjoy an empty home
• Hang with Neighbor Earl in the breezeway ( if he's home)
• Possibly stay up waaaay too late watching a movie with Neighbor Earl( if he's home)

Saturday:

• Go to book store (half priced books, don't buy new stuff when you don't have to, less waste!)
• Go to Goodwill to look for sewing machine (once again, makes no sence to buy new)
• Do my hair? That takes all day so we'll see
• Lunch with Sugarbeet
• Cousin's 30th birthday at P.F. Chang's
• Kareoke? at Spot Light and cocktails
• Give Sugarbeet a hug

Sunday:

• GO TO CHURCH!!!!
• Go to lunch someplace quiet with Sugar McBeetius
• Take a nap
• Work on PP's blanket (possibly finish PP's blanket?)
• Go to Family Night
• Drink at family night (I never get to due to work the next day, but I'm off!)
• Go to bed unreasonbly late..

Monday:

• DON'T GO TO WORK!!!!!!!!!
• Wake up unreasonably late
• If Saturday goes well, make some bread
• Lay around and watch stuff about babies
• Possibly go to Erica's to see her new hampters. (she's got 5)
• Take all the pictures off my camara for 365 and post
• Post pictures from Dallas
• Go to bed earlier than usual with a positive attitude, a smile, and ready to get another week started!

That's it! Knowing me, there will be some write ins, but hopefully some of the stuff I really want to do (such as my bread book) will definatly get done. Oh, and hopefully the Kitchen, Bathroom, and Vacuum fairy will visit me at some point.

My Glam Hair Idol

Well, currently at least :D
And I guess it doesn't hurt that I LOVE this song
But yeah, the hair is fly! I can't wait till I can rock mine! *grow hair grow*

Ida Corr remix with Fredie LeGrande "Let Me Think About It"

List of things I want to do

• Buy bread baking book

• Bake bread

• Buy sewing machine (must be second hand)

• Sew pillows
  
  
• Lose 100,000,000,000 lbs

• Join a co-op

• Stop eating veggies from the grocery store FOREVER
  
  
• Figure out how to eat organic meats on our budget
  
  
• Murder whomever invinted indoor workouts



• Make resuable snack bags



• Do better on 365



• Plan trip to Frio, in Leakey with the homomies




• GO TO CHURCH (haven't been yet this year)



• Finish the blanket I'm crocheting for baby PP

Sew what!

I NEED A SEWING MACHINE!!!!!!
I've looked on craigs list but there are so few and all are pretty expensive. I'm definatly moving forword in the greening of my lifestyle, so buying a brand new one is out of the question. Hmmm, maybe I should check good will?

Oh, and speaking of greening, I was soooo incredibly tempted to check out this hyperlink on the cleaning website I subscribe to for these reusable shopping bags, and then I remembered that I have bags, not cute ones...not even matching ones, but functional bags. I tried to mentally place where in my house I would store the ones I have currently if I got new ones, but of course I came up empty.

Sew yeah, I need a machine. I keep coming across these super easy, super cute things I want to make. The most recent being a reusable cloth snack bag. It's sounds weird, but OMG is it cute! Much cuter than a plain clear ziplock bag, and totally reusable, PLUS she used an pillow case that she said had a pen stain on it so she didn't want to use it anymore so she even mixed in some repurposing. Although EXTREMLY skeptical at first, once I saw the finished product and how impossibly adorable it was, thoughts of me being the subject of office envy at lunch time (yeah right, I never eat lunch with anyone :P), ran through my head and I decided I had to have one. I guess cheses and liquids are out, but she has a picture at the end of her instructions with some Weat Thins in it. I'm in love!

Secret Pie Shoppe: Green Craft: Cloth Snack Bag

First Meditation on SIMPLE

1. Having or composed of only one thing, element, or part. See synonyms at pure

I'm finally back in the swing of things after my first flight this past weekend. I took one and a half benedryl plus a beer, 3 vodka shots, and two vodka sodas (only 70calories makes this my cocktail of choice), so by the time I got on the plane I was kinda in the zone. Lol. It was much better than I thought, you kinda just sit in there...no fuss no muss. The trip was party party, so this Monday when I set me feet on the floor at 7:20 (I know that's late, but that's why I live so close to work!), my knees almost buckled. SO TIRED. So, to keep me going I decided it's time to mull over my first definition of Simple.

Out of all of them, I think this is probably my favorite. "Being composed of only one thing"...sounds good to me. People like to do surveys where they say "Use one word to say what you think about me"; I think we all like the idea of being boiled down to this one word that encircles an entire facet of our lives as seen through the eyes of our friends. Most people get a list of words (if they have more than one friend..), and I think that it would be really interesting if the next step was to take a poll and narrow that list down to one word. One word to describe your entire representment to the world around you. I quickly have decided that I would want that word to be "kind" for me, but I imagine that it would be a little tougher for most people to whittle themselves down to one adjetive.
We love to be so much more complicated, to have so many facets, but I personally think the old adage holds water for people who spread themselves too thin: "it can do a lot of things, but not a lot of things well". Since we're people, not mulitfunctional tools, we have the ability to have the midas touch, but I think that when an attempt at too much occurs, too little gets done, and even less done properly...
All of this was to say, what do I want to do? How do I want to focus my energy so that what I do, I do well? What one element do I want to be made out of?
Simplicity of personality is for most a put down. "Hey what do you think of me?", "Oh, I think you're simple....". That doesn't sound too hot. Simple people are retarded, or plain (which means ugly), or poor. I don't think people want to be considered any of those. Complexity of personality or character is something that is prided. It's synomous with flexible, knowledgable, worldly. But why does that matter? Why not have a focus thats narrower?
I don't know, it's a constant battle in my opinion between head and heart. Head matters are complex, heart matters are not. When I get hurt (heart), I have to rationalize (head) that I am being hypersensitive and get over it. It took two seconds to hurt my heart, but it would probably take days for my head to fight it back down. It's that way with all matters in my opinion, with the heart being the fastest lithmus test to a situation, and the head showing up late and still being rude enough to jocky for top position.
Being composed of one thing . It's an interesting concept, the idea that I can boil myself down to one thing. I like "kind", it's a heart thing, a simple thing, an adjetive that is so plain that it doesn't even seem to elicit strong emotions when used. It's sort of like being just good enough, "I wouldn't call her altruistic or beneficent, just kind." lol. Sounds simple to me!

Word of the Year

I just stumbled across this 3 seconds ago. Here's a brief discription from Ali Edward's website

one little word

A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow.
Last year I began a tradition of chosing one word for myself each January - a word that I can focus on, mediate on, and reflect upon as I go about my daily life. Last year my word was something I wanted to bring into my life in a more tangible way. My word was play.
I thought a lot about play and what it means to me. I tried to incorporate it more into my everyday and on my adventures out in the crazy world. For me, it was a lot about living without fear - about being more open to experiences with an attitude of playfulness.

This concept was originaly for scrapbooking, but seems like something revelant to try to do in all aspects of your life. So I thought, WHY NOT?! I prayed over it for like 5 seconds, and discoverd what I plan on spending a lot of brain cells on in 2010 *drum roll please*:

simple

I thought about simplicity, simplify, or simplness, but not one of those was simple enough. I want to get down to the root, underneath all of the flourishing language, and have the word in it's most pungent of forms, S I M P L E. I looked for a definition and got this list:

Definitions of 'simple'
The American Heritage® Dictionary - (17 definitions)
[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin simplus, and from simplex; see simplex.]
(adjective: -pler, -plest.)

1. Having or composed of only one thing, element, or part. See synonyms at pure
2. Not involved or complicated; easy: a simple task. See synonyms at easy
3. Being without additions or modifications; mere: a simple “yes” or “no.”4. Having little or no ornamentation; not embellished or adorned: a simple dress.
5. Not elaborate, elegant, or luxurious. See synonyms at plain
6. Unassuming or unpretentious; not affected.
7. a.Having or manifesting little sense or intelligence.
b.Uneducated; ignorant.
c.Unworldly or unsophisticated. See synonyms at naive
8. Not guileful or deceitful; sincere.
9. Humble or lowly in condition or rank: a simple woodcutter.
10.Ordinary or common: a simple head cold.
11. a.Being a fundamental or rudimentary element; basic.
b.Not important or significant; trivial.
12. Biology Having no divisions or branches; not compound: a simple leaf;
a simple eye or lens.
13. Music Being without figuration or elaboration: a simple tone.

(noun)
1.A single component of a complex, especially one that is unanalyzable.
2.A fool; a simpleton.
3.A person of humble birth or condition.
4.A medicinal plant or the medicine obtained from it.

I'm not so sure about that medicinal plant definition, but all of the rest of them REALLY speak to me. I think over the next year I will really dig in and explore each one of these definitions and what they mean for me. I have had this hole in me for so very long. It's been a constant battle to discover who exactly I am. I am 26 years old and have not a clue what I mean to myself. I am always on this journey of augmentation, and trying to be like others leaves this Leo feeling empty and ordinary. I see things that others do, attempt to emulate, FAIL miseraable, and I am left feeling even worse.
Well, I am so over it! I am finally starting to see the light, and I'm going towards it full speed. Simple to me, on the 7th of January, means that I will strip away all the excess, all the periphery, and get down to the flesh and bones that are Jonet.

3 Kings Day!

Well folks, it's Epiphany. I feel the urge to learn/do/create something new today in honor of it! I also feel the urge to have a cocktail or six...I mean it is the countdown to Lent, and a girl can only expect so much fun from a 40 day party soo it kinda sounds like I should get started now huh?
I think i should spend the next 40 days REALLY thinking about what I should give up for lent. My heart (where Jesus lives) keeps screaming alcohol, but my brain is fighting really hard to tell it to shut up. Why on Earth did I decide that I needed to celebrate Lent anyway? Sheesh. Maybe in 40 days time I will find something else that would cause me suffering to give up. Maybe I should take up gambling or crack...surely that would be something any good Christian would be hard pressed to continue doing while abstaining from something as trivial as alcohol? Right?
Well, while I fight my wicked soul for domination, I will also be going to get a 3 kings cake for dinner tonight (I'm a great mulitasker, I know). I was going to make spaghetti and meatballs, but in honor of Epiphany, I think a jambalaya would make more sence.
I wonder what it was like to walk in to that barn and see the most important person ever born into the world laying there helpless, and to then be the first people on Earth to bow down and worship Him. Seems incredible.

End of the world

Everyone asked me what I was doing for New Years. My response was a Y2K celebration. I planned on stocking up on crackers, tuna, tp, ect, and waiting in my house with my shotgun. Actually, I went over a friends house and had a quiet, small celebration, like we do every year.
Its funny how quickly people forget, and how quickly people are swayed. Total death and destruction will rear it's ugly head again in 2012, not nearly as bad as Y2K in my opinion, but it still will. I wonder what alot of people will be doing then?

At any rate, now is the time to decide to be a better person by changing some things about myself. The problem is I struggle with this all year long, leaving me exasperated and jaded about resolutions. I make plans over and over again, just to fail over and over again, so resolution making seems like an old worn down notion that I can't seem to grasp.
Maybe it's time I resolved to resolve nothing. I will try to take what I have, no matter how much I want to "improve" it, and make it what I love. Maybe my resolution should be to enjoy enjoy enjoy each day. I want to focus on God's grace and beauty, and know that no matter how much I may toil to an end, God's work in me is infinatly better, and my work will never compare.
OUCH! That is so much easier to say than it is to do, it hurts sooooo bad, mentally and physically. It pains me to try to be still for once, but labor pain brings new birth, and that's what I am desperatly seeking more than anything else.

Y2K isn't such a bad concept. I need to end the world as I know it, let that old world fall away, and be born into a New World Order where God's hands guide and lead me instead of my own.