In my dream I was just back from a long space mission. It's the type of mission where they put you in suspended animation in order for you to edure the long trip on a massive space ship. I get back to Earth, undock, and sit through a boring debrief in a huge auditorium with hundreds of other people (including Cedric Yarbrough and Niecy Nash, the black people from Reno 911) . We finish, and I leave to go home. I arrive to find a girl friend of mine, and my ex boyfriend waiting on me. My ex boyfriend who happens to be Gerard Butler...
So, we all go inside, and my dear friend excuses herself to walk my dog, leaving Gerrard and I alone. Okay, time for some quick background: you see, in my dream he was totally stalking me, refusing to stop popping up all the time. In fact, right before I left on my intergalatic journey, he would sit across the street from my apartment and look in at me and smile creepily but in a extremly sexy way...you know, sexy creepy? So yeah, he's refusing to move on, and refusing to let me move on, and I'm thinking, "what is he doing here anyway?"
I realize he's moved out of the living area into my bedroom, which is prime stalker territory, so I go there to see what damage has been done. I walk in to see him holding a piece of paper, obviously he's been going through my things. "Isn't it illegal to do this where you're from?", he says. I quickly snatch the paper out of his hand to see it's my medical repeort, I glance to where his finger was taping to see it's my weight. Apparently the part of society I have chosen to live in has strict physical standards (think Gatica, never heard of it? Shame on you!), and this report featured that I had gained 15 lbs. I rebuff and tell him to stop going throughmy things. He responds with a delightfully rough grab to my hip and says "So if you're not upset about the weight, it must be cause you want to put this (he shakes the hand full of hip) on me". I immediatly go rigid, all of my muscles tense and I draw in a long ragged breath. I know that in an instant he's going to pull me in close. He's wearing a leather jacket with big yellow/gold zippers, and I know that jacket pressing against me is going to hurt in such a good way when he crushes me against him. I know that this is wrong, that I shouldn't even have him in my house, but that's what makes me want it even more. And hey, I was just on an intergalatic space journey, a womans got needs!
So I steady myself for his hard hands against me, my skin goes absolutley electric, and I try to remind myself to protest, if even just a little, but I know he has already made up his mind, and that there is nothing I can do to change it. His hands come closer, I begin to turn my head to look up at his face, my heart skips at least ten beats, I can feel the warmth radiating off his hands as they inch closer to my waist, I begin to quiver with anticipation,
then MY ALARM GOES OFF.
He was seconds away from grabbing me, and my stinkin alarm ruined it. I have never been so pissed in my life.
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