Why Glee isn't real

Okay, so first of all, I don't get this whole vampire thing. I just read that the most popular baby names for this year are from that Twilight thing. Dracula and Count Chocula I think...

So anywho, Glee, while a PHENOMENAL show, is not real. I was in Show Choir in high school and therefore I am the authority on what an extracurricular singing group is, and is not. Glee, is not.

This is a Glee Club

This is NOT a Glee Club

© 2010 Fox Broadcasting Company

This is a choral director

This is NOT a choral director

© 2010 Fox Broadcasting Company

Okay though for real, high school students that didn't go to a performing arts high school, can not sing while doing backflips. Not possible. My choir couldn't even do a kick ball change while singing, we had to cut out that part of the coreography and just walk back and forth becuase our voice production and projection was so bad.

Also, there were NO attractive people. Seriously, all of us were ugly, all of us. There were no attractive outfits/costumes. We wore a $10 polo with our high schools initials on it, along with whatever kind of pant we had that could be passed as a "jean".

Kinda like this.

















Nothing like this.

And besides, all of the girls would have complained about how their skin tone/hair/personality/religion doesn't mesh well with gold/black/knee length/tulle. Why do you think choir dresses tend to be black and drapey? Equally unflattering on everyone that wears it.



© 2010 Fox Broadcasting Company



Another thing is, there is no way that my school would let Pregnant 16 yr old dance around on a stage in high heels. I don't even think Pregnant 16 yr old was allowed to go to school with regular, non ku kids. She would have to go to specail KU school were they learned about bottles or birth or placentas. Then after summer break she would show back up at regular kids school where everyone would whisper behind her back to the kids that didn't know about her body having a dual occupancy the year before.

And that ubiquitous band! Those kids hold a perpetual jam session that never seems to have trouble keeping up with the new hotness in music, but are also well steeped in the standards that we all know and love, from "Bust a Move" to "Rock and Roll All Night". I seriously need to hire these guys for my wedding.

Finally, and I know we all saw this coming, I have an issue with overly flamboyant out gay kid. There was NO gay kid at my school that was that out. There is no gay kid at ANY high school that is that out. Probably not even at the Gay High School for becoming Gay and being Gay All Over the Place. This kid cries every chance he gets, and enjoys wearing the most thrilling wordrobe since Bubble on AbFab.

There were gay kids at my school, we all knew who they were, they all knew who they were, but we all had the good taste to never discuss it. *hello, toungue in cheek..don't forget the sarcasm!* Then, the day after high school graduation freinds would call friends and say "Oh, I saw Boy with a boy at the mall holding hands!" And everyone would be like, oh, we thought so... I went to the FBLA banquet with one of my most favoritest friends in high school ( who was and is a gay guy), and if he would have showed up in some crazy contraption of an outfit, we both would have been in it deep. I mean seriously, there was a girl at my school who was told that if she showed up to prom in a suit with her girlfriend, she would be hauled off the premises. Nope, high school is definatly NOT about self expression. High school is about finding out who you are, and then learning very quckly how to hide and pretend you're just like everyone else.

We sang to peers who could give a crap less, we sang to old folks at homes and at banks and at malls. I want the episode where these 30 yr olds are subjected to the same things that we did in those days. I want to see them ride in a school bus and arrive at locations smelling of gasoline. I want them to take trips where everyone claims that so and so slept with so and so but everyone knows it's not true. I want them to pay a crap ton of money to go to a competition just to get there and see that everyone is like 6 yrs old and they'd obviosly been mistaken about what they read in the brochure. I want the awkward, AWKWARD hookups that we were forced to witness between pimple face loser and over weight loser this week, and over weight loser and looks like dead fish loser the next.

I guess that would be a reality show though...At any rate, I love Glee, I love watching it, and I will continue to  (if not just to point out the travesties that they are committing).

How not to be jealous?

How do you get to be truely happy for someone?
"WHAT, you got a promotion and now make WAY more than I do, but you don't even have a degree? Wow, congrats!"  I say that, but on the inside I think "You're a whore, you slept with any and everyone available to get this promotion, and you just wait cause in 5 years my income will  have doubled and I will be the one with the brand new car and then you'll see, and then YOU"LL ALL SEE!!!!"...while this is going on I'm sure I'm standing there with a huge smile on my face, maybe with a little drool slowly winding down the side of it.

And how is it that no matter what you do in life, and no matter how good you are at it, there is someone is better. BETTER!! And when this jerkfaceloser shows up, why is it that you have to not only be happy for them, but even like somehow appreaciate them handing you your entrails on a platter. "Well, at least  I can say I got beat by the best!". BLUH. Would we be forced to be so gracious if everything was to the death? "At the end of the interview process for the file room position, only one of you shall still be alive". What then?

I have a serious problem being happy for people. Mostly cause I hate them, but also because I want what they have, and can't have it. There are somethings that I actually do hate, but don't want, like to go to bed at 10 everynight cause my husband and I are boring. Or a new car (because I abhor car notes). But there are other things that I grow green over like houses not in the suburbs and not having to pay student loans. My life ain't so bad, but compared to yours, IT SUCKS. I tend to have that attitude sometimes when it comes to comparing myself to other people. And it's sad, I know.

Why I'm scared of ghosts

Becaue they are dead people, and dead people are NOT cool. Dead people have a place...well, two very seperate and not equal places, but a place nonetheless. So when dead people chose to not go to thier perspective places, it means that they are breaking the rules. Rule breakers in general are NOT cool.
Ghosts can't/wont hold a job which makes them unemployed. Unemployed people are NOT cool.
Ghosts don't pay rent in the places in which they live. That makes them free loaders and free loaders are NOT cool.
Ghosts don't wear appropriate clothing. It's like they don't see that fashion is progressing and cling to that old turn of the century crap that they died in. Not keeping up with fashion is NOT cool. *side note: has anyone ever seen a naked ghost?*

I personally think that ghosts are aweful. They tear up peoples things, drive down property values, and make people run around with night vision camaras on tv which makes me hate my life.

I've never seen a ghost myself, but I grew up hearing about those little ghost kids in San Antonio that move your car across the tracks. My mom said that she and her friends would go after school to make those poor little kids push their car. If you're not familiar with the story, here we go:

There was this school bus of elementary school children headed home one day. The bus suddenly experienced a break down, right on some railroad tracks. The next thing they new, a train was barrelling down at the bus, and with no time to get the children out, the bus was hit, killing them.

It is said that if you visit the sight of the tragedy, there is an amazing expirence waiting for you. Simply pull up to the tracks, cut your car off and place it in neutral with your foot off the break. At that moment, your car will begin to travel uphill over the tracks on it own. It is said that if you sprinkle your car with talcum, you will be able to see tiny hand prints along your back bumper from the efforts of the children pushing you off the tracks.

While some people think this is just a legend there are some facts that point to it being true. For example, all of the street signs leading up to the location are childrens names..well, at least peoples names, I guess your name doesnt change as you age...Also there is SO much evidence gathered on this location including EVP, pictures, and other unexplained phenomenom (such as blood found on car bumbers! jerk ghost kids really know how to get you). Still dont believe me? Check this out:

What do you think?

My current obsession

So I've been watching Kirstie Alley's show on A&E, and have fallen in love! She is seriously the bestest and, thanks to her previous cockaine addiction, I know that she is definatly stalk worthy (please note my undying love for Britney and Amy).

Kirstie is hilarious. Period. Her kids are adorable,especially her daughter. She has this handyman guy and a sassy maid, and a stylist and PA all along for the ride. And you know what? I persnonally believe her to be ravoshing, no matter what size she's at. Forget the body, no amount of fat could take away from that face, hair, and those haunting eyes. I love everything about this lady, including that her theme song is sung by a cartoon monkey!

Well, with that I am off to go watch a couple of episodes now!

Going to see David Sedaris on Wed.

Quick side note: You will never see me write out the word Wed., because I don't know how to spell it, just FYI.

So BFF Elaine and I are off to the theater (said in a slight english accent while dragging out the "tuh" a little too long),to see one of my favorite authors. If you've never heard of David, you're in for a real treat should you decide to pick up one of his books. One of my favorite stories of his is titled "Dinah the Christmas Whore". You can see the amount of hilarity waiting to ooze forth from such a prominent title.

I'm an avid This American Life listener, which is where I first encountered this master of pen and page. His voice sounds nothing like how he looks, so I hope seeing him live will make it all come together.

He writes about his family in a fictional autobiographical way. You can't tell what's real and whats not, which I think makes for a terribly interesting read. Some of his stories deal with growing up gay in Carolina, dealing with college as a young man, his crazy sister (whom is a writer as well) and various other encounters in the world from his point of view.

 It's going to be at Jones Hall so I plan on walking there from work, or at least from my already payed for parkng lot. I'm not so sure where Elaine is meeting me, but I know we will have an AWESOME time!

This weekend is going to be a doozie!

It's time to iron out all those pesky details for what is sure to be the motherlode of unfinished projects.
Friday

• go watch Mason in a good ol' fashioned talent show at First Baptist
• Drink Vodka
• Explain to Sugarbeet why I WILL NOT go jogging
• Eat something yummy for dinner, possibly a steak
• Drink Vodka/Beer with Earl (thank goodness Lent is over)
• Possibly go to HH with Patrice at Trulucks

Saturday:

• Go to Central Market to pick up a myriad of baking supplies
• Bake bread. Sugarbeet is back on the whole sandwich kick, and I can't have store bought bread in my house!
• Make my own butter . I saw a super easy recipe here and since I'm making bread, it just seems right to try a hand at it
• Avoid the rain
• Go to a benefit for some kind of poor country or something... hope I don't have to dress up
• Enjoy cocktails some how, some way

Sunday:

• Must go to church, haven't been in 2 weeks, or a week..when was Easter?
• Lay around since Patty is out of town and I have to suffer a brunchless exsistence till he gets back
• Go fo fam night and look at PP a whole lot (I miss her terribly)

So what I'm most excited about is the prospect of trying my hand at bread again. The first came out too crusty, imagine trying to eat a sandwitch on european crusty bread. The second was too...je no sais quoi. It was just missing something , I think the texture was off, IDK. I'm slightly dejected at the idea of having to use more white flour than wheat to achieve a texture Hubby can live with. I've only allowed wheat products in my house for the last year, so that's not a shock to him. Methinks it 's the stone ground wheat flour that's got him all messed up, it's got a coarser texture which lends to a studier, less soft bread. Think of it as the difference between pound cake and angel food cake. At any rate, although I hate the idea of processed white flour, I guess that's what I gotta do for now, and then slowly wean him off of it a week at a time.

Those are ma plans. As usual I can expect some minor deviation, but I bet this will work out to be another faboulous one!

Why you shouldn't buy designer when you don't know any better, aka: how to make 50% of America hate me in 5 minutes

I have 2 banes to my current fashion existence, which is good because it used to be twenty (see the period in the mid 2000's when I was forced to look at camel toe everyday thanks to the phenom called "gauchos"). I am always in a pull between what I dislike just cause it's too popular, and what I dislike because quite frankly, it sucks.

My 2 banes are things that actually suck, and what makes that suck more is that they are popular. I am utterly disgusted with these two things, and wouldn't go to heaven sad if I never saw them again: Tory Burch anything and Michael Kors accessories.



The biggest thing I dislike applies to both: the obnoxious branding. Why on earth would you walk around with someone's initials all over your clothing that you paid for? This is how I feel about every label with one huge exception:

She has not, will not, and can not do any wrong, so in her case there is no need to EVER NOT want to wear her initials all over me! Lol.

With that said, why would you want to stick something on your body that looks like it was branded with head butting T's or with the lazily placed MK initials that "cleverly" share a line that makes it no longer initials but a logo.

I haven't like Michael Kors since I stopped being five and realized that zebra print is never going to be cool longer than five minutes, and that in the event that it is considered cool at any point in time, it no longer is. Zebra belongs few and far between, heavily dispersed in a sea of other patterns, shapes, and colors. Once you see it too much, it loses its beauty and becomes monochromatic and humdrum. Bleh. That being said, I loved his concept back in Spring 07 or 08 when his RTW (ready to wear) collection featured that beautiful rich pattern in hues of jet black, golden browns, and creamy beiges. Then something went terribly wrong. Then his logo grew by 8 fold and now dangles on the edge of the purse, waiting to swing and hit you hard in your elbow as you walk. At this point, all was lost. I also don't like the fact that he is on project runway because he really has no idea what he's talking about...ever. His collections are meant for the "sporty" fashionista, and these people are turning out haute couture. Why on earth should he ever have a word to say?

Tory, incites my rage in another way all together. It's not that I don't think she knows what she's doing, I think that her clothing line has some potential. It's the fact that people are walking around in ballet flats (which have FINALLY run thier course, leaving people with cankels with no excuse to continue to make this fashion mistake), which come in the most obnoxious of colors, which they INSIST on pairing with either a similarity obnoxious colored shirt, belt, or various other non simple, competing clothing, and then have the audacity to look this awfully while having paid nearly $200.00 for it! Listen, wearing neon green shoes is great, but please do find a nice pair of light wash denim that is close cropped at the ankle and a plain white button down shirt or polo. And if you really must express yourself, try a color opposite on the color wheel. Lime green goes great with bright pink for a reason people!

Anyway, so that's yet another reason for America to hate me. I feel like if you're going to play the fashion game, you have got to know the rules. I hope that these two figure out how to stop the bandwagoning of their aweful products before they go the way of Juicy (which I disliked from the get go, and still do) and that aweful Ed Hardy stuff.