When I was about 20 or 21 years old I was driving home from work around 12:45 am and this jerkface loser decided that he too wanted to be driving home, only he wanted to be driving home from drinking tons and instead of actually making it home he wanted to slam into me going the wrong way on a one way street. Luckily, I was in a lightweight pick up truck, and jerky mcjerkface was in a Jetta, so the (delightful sounding but not what you think) t-bone totaled the truck, and not me. It was my second car accident in 2 years, and I had only been driving for like 3 years at the time, so I was pretty rattled.
Also, I've never been a careful driver. I'm like not interested in paying attention to the road, obeying speed limits, or any other laws of the road for that matter. You see, I drive a 1998 Plymouth Breeze that bff neighbor has affectionatly coined "The Deathtrap". Why so you ask? Well, only 3 of my doors work, and of those 3, only one is fully functional. Thanks to said door situation, bff neighbor has had to come bust me out of my car because I couldn't get out. I only get AM radio reception and no one can explain why, the driver side door leaks in the rain, a mysterious stain has begun to appear on the back driver's side floorboard (obviously the tell-tale sign of someone having slowly bled out back there) my paseenger mirror has decided that it wants to make it out in the world on its own and has begun to cleave itself from the door; I duct taped it back, but I think it really does have its mind made up to leave as it is now even more hangy than it was before. The kicker is that up until last year the thing had no climate control, so when I went places, I needed to get there PDQ less I die from exposure; heat exhaustion and hypothermia were a constant and real threat for the past 4 years. All of this is what led to my complete unwillingness to put up with "laws" trying to tell how fast to drive, in what lane, which direction, ect., because I had to get where I had to get, and in a hurry if I didn't want to perish before I got there.
These two factors (the reckless driving of others and the reckless driving of myself), have led me to have a fear that I don't think is entirely unfounded:
I'm convinced that I will die in a horrible Micheal Bay inspired car crash and that I won't die in it immediatly, but will most likely have to suffer for sometime before blacking out to the vision of my jawbone sitting on my lap (that really happened btw. Some lady was in a car accident where her jaw got ripped off. She then did what eveyone reasonalble person would do if that happened to them, went on Oprah) . Here is another VERY accurate depiction of what I see in store for me EVERY time I get on the freeway. *warning, this one is gory*
And the scary part is that this DID happen here in Houston earlier this year. This woman was driving when a load of pipes came undone from an 18 wheeler and crushed her car, it's not clear if this accident was due to her being a woman driver, but its still crazy. It sucks casuse as if I'm not crazy enough as it is, the universe needed to be like "Look! Do you see?! This crap does happen, and not only does it happen, it's going to happen to you...tomorrow...Sucker". The universe is pretty mean sometimes. Sad face.
Some people may being saying, "Really? What are the odds of that happening?" The odds of clones ruining my highway commute? Immenent. The odds of massive logs ruining my highway commute? Insanely probable, like as in I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. Listen, car accidents happen all day everyday; people are stupid and cars are heavy so once you do the math, you see that we come out in the red. And hot, fiery, mangled death doesn't even take multiple cars any more! I mean HELLO, Toyota's were killing their owners left and right just a few months ago. Who thinks when they get into their car that its going to kill them; unless you drive Christine or possibly Herby, I bet the thought has never crossed your mind, and yet it happens.
In the end, I have to drive to work everday so it's not like I have much of an option for preventing my death by Micheal Bay inspired car accident. And besides, the movies I've seen about public transportation don't make it look like a much better option anyway.
1 year ago
