Cut-it-out (uncle Joey style)

I posted this in 2008. Read it again, or for the first time!


Top 10 Phrases to never utter aloud for ANY reason in my proximity:

10. Any lyrics from "I hope you dance"
If I want to sit it out I will, if I want to take crap for granted, I will

9. "Stop and smell the roses"
Why? I perfer something more exoctic, roses = omnipresent reminders of how
someone else has their life so together, they have time to garden...


8. "Every cloud has a silver lining"
SO not true. Crap happens and sometimes you have to learn to cope and deal and move on without something fantastic occuring to snap you out of it.


7. "They'll get theirs in the end"
100% BS. Some people never get theirs. Some people will do evil things to you and not only will they not care, they want ever feel bad about it or have anything momentous occur that Karma sends in retaliation. Try reading "Without Conscience".


6. "Sure they're rich, but are the truely happy?"
YES YES YES YES!!!!! They are unbelievably happy. Not just because they can
afford everything they want, but money doesn't grow on trees for a reason.
Stupid people would waste it, leading to an excess in consumption followed by the over harvesting and erradication of that species of tree... Of course their happy to be rich. When was the last time your hard work payed off and you weren't happy?


5. "Every time a door closes, a window opens"
Get out of that house that's on fire by waiting for the window to open if you
want, but I'm not going to sit around looking for the miricle. You have to take crap sometimes, and it sucks, but there is not always an escape ready to bail you out. You've gotta get yourself out!


4. "God helps those that help themselves"
If you can help yourself what do you need God for? Or are you helping Him
help you? I didnt realize you were so good that you and Jesus sit around
deciding what mircle to work next in your life, with your help of course.


3. "Good things come to those who wait"
Not be be confused with biding your tide, however, what are you waiting
around for? You want it, go get it!

2. "No, really I'm cool with black people, I (fill in the blank)"
Wrong answer. Just because I'm black, why do I care about the rag tag collection of black people you passed in the hall in high school and were "cool" enough with to wave at. I DONT CARE that one was your best friend or your uncle married one or that you lived in the ghetto, which by the way forces me to believe that you think the ghetto is comprised of black people. So what if you feel uncomfortable around me during certain conversations, it's cool. You're not Bill Clinton! I'm cool with that!

1. I'm not sure, give me some time and I'll find something bitter.

Girl Friday

It was a GOOD life. Hanging out with friends every Friday night. Start at Happy Hour in downtown, midtown, uptown, galleria, any where really. We would adjourn ourselves to the new place that supposed to be chill, or go to the old that we knew was. After about 6 to 8 hours of cocktails, we would call it a night, go to our respective homes, and if you were me, lay in bed thinking "I really don't want to throw up, I can't wait till next Friday, I am so glad that I didn’t do that lasssst shot.", and fade to black.
I would get a thrill every time we walked in a place. We would throw our shoulders back, raise our heads and work those hips as we moved in the door, letting everyone there know how much better we looked, how much thinner we were, how much nicer our boobs looked in our shirts, and why they really should have thought twice about coming out tonight looking like that. The dj would play us our own personal theme music as we would walk on beat, our heels stomping with the bass, looking for somewhere to sit after making a round to check everyone out and completely ignore them all at the same time. They have no idea what they are doing, those amateurs. "Look at his shirt", "she is straight trippin with that empire dress, what is she 4 months?", "for real? are they for real? FLIP FLOPS?", and my personal favorite, "that girl is a hot as* mess". LOL.
These times were a good time in my life, a sweet and fun time filled with feeling young and fabulous. They were totally hedonistic, the "I do what I want" phase that was so deliciously ours to enjoy and we ate every delectable bite, (not really, this was also the "food is for dumb people" stage for us). We would writhe to some awkward dance rhythm that the alcohol made us brave enough to attempt, or drop down low and sweep the flo with it when the alcohol made us believe that our hamstrings and quads were stable enough to attempt to get back up in 5 inch heels once the song was over. The alcohol would dare us to get on benches and tables, in dj booths and on stage. Once the alcohol enveloped us in hot sweaty liquid courage we would grasp and tug and shimmy and move to the not necessarily the beat, but maybe just the idea of the beat. It's funny how alcohol makes you simple yet oh so very existential at the same time. We would be lulled into this wonderful place where your on version of unbridled happiness exuded from ever pore and atom and left you feeling the need to kiss a strange boy, or talk to very busted looking people. Strange hands too high up on your thighs, having someone whisper so closely in your ear they are licking it, skirts riding up, shirts falling down, shoes coming off, all part of the territory and completely and thoroughly amazing. The end of this era was the furthest thing from my mind.