Forget about that

I'm over the whole life is moving to fast junk. I have had a major epiphany. MAJOR. I think too much in terms of the future, and not enough in the present. It's like I'm waiting on some point in my life, where I can be happy and comfortable and feel accomplished, but that point never seems to come. God spoke to me at church last Sunday about this. I had this epiphany about day to day life on Wed, and had been mulling over the in's and out's of it all week. On Sunday the pastor was like "And when will you reach what you want? When you were a child it was all about high school, in high school it was about waiting until you were in college. College had you thinking about grad school, or your first job. Then marraige, then children, when will you have what you want?"
It really makes sense to me. I spend so much time looking to the future, I'm missing my life. It is literally like running a race I'm bound to lose becuase by the time I catch up, it'll be over. It sounds cliché, but you really aren't promised another day. Damon told me about this guy that took his daughter out to teach her to ride a scooter, fell off of it, hit his head, and died. Game over bro. You don't have to be a police officer, firefighter, or soldier to understand the reality of leaving home for work, and not knowing if you'll come back home. I have a supreme sense of this idea, that at any second there could be a car accident, explostion, tornado, flood, elephant on the lose, or any other varied act of God that will call me home. It sucks for most people because it takes a near death experience, or someone close to them dying, for them to figure it out.
So, I decided that I will not live my life in a future that is not guaranteed to me. Am I going to stop planning, hoping, and dreaming? Heck NO! But,I can't let the faceless stranger of tomorrow have more power than the familiar loving countenance of today. If I spend each day really present, really plugged in, and laser focused on what's happening NOW, how different can life be? No more putting off things till tomorrow if I can do them today, and conversly, no more worring about what needs to be done tomorrow, because I have bettter things to focus on immediatly. No more feeling pressure about inadquicies that I hope to change over a broad length of time (weight), if all I need to worry about losing is a pound or a half a pound, how much less overwhelming is that compared to the 20 total? Talk about making an elephant bite sized.
I have really tried hard to mull on this for awhile, and remind myself daily the importance of this epiphany. I love my husband, my job, my dog, my friends, my empty womb...and while these relationships and interactions may change, I'm not intereseted in the when anymore, just okay with riding the ebb and flow that is day to day life here on earth.